Saturday, October 28, 2023

A Flock of Pink Flamingos

 


For some time, I've been a bit creeped out by pink flamingos. I can't exactly pinpoint when it started, but their beady little eyes, and their pink skin (fur?) just kinda freaks me out. It's like when they are staring out me, they're trying to send me to some weird level of hell, where I'm followed around for eternity, by flock after flock of these pink bastards. All the while they are singing country songs in a Yoko Ono voice. Now do not tell me that that isn't just about as scary as things can get!

Well, in my town here, there's a group raising money to help those needy have a nice Christmas. And for one such fundraiser, they put a flock of these horrifying pink abominations in the yards of those that are innocent, but have kids that want to make it hard for them to sleep at night. I love a good fundraiser, and this one seems to be getting the job done. The major downside is that my daughter is a bit of a bully, and has decided to punish me. So tonight, I go to sleep with these birds of hell in the yard just watching, and waiting. Waiting for me to sleep, so they can have their way with me, and drag my soulless ginger ass into hell. Waiting to flamingo the hell out of me... whatever that may mean.

And so, even though I'm horrified, I'd like to thank "Santa's Workshop" for helping to make some kids have a better, and brighter Christmas. Even if that means my night will be one filled with bad dreams and horror. It really is a great cause, and I'm happy to "take one for the team", because I'm a good person, with an irrational fear. Well, not exactly a fear, but a definite wariness of these two footed pink nightmares.

If you'd like to "Flock" someone in Shenandoah, or maybe just make a donation, the number is (712) 438-0598. And if I make it to the morning, I'd like to say thanks again to "Santa's  Workshop", but would like to suggest a nice flock of seagulls, or maybe some cute turtles for next year. 

Until next time, thanks for reading.
-Rob

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